| (no subject) |
[Mar. 18th, 2008|09:43 pm] |
|
Wow, I had forgotten all about live journal, which is probably quite obvious in the fact that I haven't posted in close to 2 years. I remember back when I would try to post on here every so often for Alex... Yeah she dumped me and that sucks. Well I guess I can't say she dumped me exactly, she told me that she has a new boyfriend. It took some time to get over it and technically speaking I'm not over it at all. It's weird it feels the same as the day she did it but I seem to care less, its like all of my feelings are being dulled because of it, which sounds horrible I know, but I don't really care because of it. It seems to take care of two problems at once. I remember most of my friends constantly asking me why I never broke up with her, saying that she treated me horribly, blamed everything one me, and expected me to fix all of her problems for her. I guess there has to be some truth in that but I loved her to much to really see it...not true, I saw it, I just didn't care or chose to ignore it. I guess the funny thing about that high school relationship was the fact that I wasn't in it for most of the normal reason that are behind high school relationships, I was in it because I wanted someone that would be there for me when I need them to be, someone to care about me and love me, just someone to be close to. I thought I had that which is probably why I chose not to see all the bad things that she put me through on daily bases. And she has made it painfully obvious that she did not have any of those feelings for me. How you may ask, if there is actually anyone out there that is taking the time to read about my life, she went to Arizona for collage. I figured we would slowly drift apart over the years but I was sadly mistaken. On the third day out there, enough time to move in get her stuff situated and say goodbye to her parents, she called me to say, and I quote "Hi Matt, there is this cutie out her that I want to start dating, so yeah." What does that tell you? Did she ever really have feelings for me at all if all it took for her to forget about the years that we spent together in a relationship was some guy that was apparently a "cutie" wanting to get in her pants? And that was all he wanted to he was nice to her for a day or so and then blow her off when he found out it would take more than just a few days of being nice to her. Over the time that she did that to me and clearly did not care about me in the slightest I started noticing things. For instance I bought her gifts, nice gifts like hand picked custom jewelry that matched her personality and the things she enjoyed, I put thought and effort into my gifts. Now the gifts she got me a bag of powdered sugar...yeah I was bored while waiting and there happened to be a bag of powdered sugar on the table in front of me that I started messing with out of sheer boredom so apparently it would be some I would love to get as a gift right. Oh and how about christmass a t-shirt that she got everyone else and some random book probably thinking it would keep me busy for a while, she even said it was just some random book she grab, no thought at all behind it. She never once put any effort or thought in anything she got me but expected me to spend hours apon hours trying to find the perfect gift for her. And with each passing day she is becoming more and more of a bitch to me for no reason that I can find. The feelings she left me with when she got a new boyfriend, dumped me, seems the equivalent of a strong kick between the legs, except it is on the inside and never goes away, I was devastated but she could care less about me because all I was was something to make her life easier and was easy to replace. She sad she is going out with her current boyfriend because "he just adores me so much." What the hell was I? I only loved her with all of my heart and did everything I could to make her happy. Oh and you are just going to love this, she told me not to make her feel guilty because she hurt my feelings, which is an understatement to what she did to me. And what is great is she had something that said " I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control and sometimes a little hard to handle. But if you cant handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." then she followed that with many things that was the equivalent of saying "you could only have me at my worst matt, and this new guy is only going to have me at my best, how do you like that." So as you can see I could go on for hours about this but you probably are getting sick of reading me complain about how horrible she has treated me, and how much she used me just to feel better about herself. Kettering? school is sucking because, and I'm sorry to say this she did all of that to me while I was at school during finals last term which made it impossible to study or do anything constructive so I did horrible on all of my finals causing me to fail a few classes, and that is way school is sucking right now. You may ask why don't I go out and do something to get my mind off of things but again she has stopped me from being able to even do that without leaving the state. There are not many things to do around here and everything that you can do only reminds me of the many times me and Alex did them together while she was pretending she loved me. If anyone out there actually took the time to read this I greatly appreciate it, and would love it if you would leave a comment or something so I could talk with someone, Not necessarily about my problems either but just new things to help move on from the old... if that made any sense at all. But either thank you for reading and please leave a comment. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 5th, 2006|04:08 pm] |
|
Well lately things have been going pertty good. Work, well i have been getting more hours sense we go a new store manager who is actully fair, the last one had like 4 or 5 people she really like and worked them almos everyday. Whit the new manager my hours have practicly doubled, and so hase everyone else. And i always get scheduald with the people i like and not the really annoying people, which is always good. Tonight i got really lucky because i get to go with Alkex's family out to outback for her birthday dinner. Most of you probably already know this, but i can be very forgetfull at times, and i also procrastinate a bit, ya see ive had alex's birthday preasent for a while now but keep forgeting about it and im finally going to remember to today. Lately i have had a strong urge to go bowling, i dont know why but i really want to go bowling. Its kind of strange but i really want to go, to bad i have to wait until tuesday. Well that is all i can think of for the moment. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 10th, 2006|07:19 pm] |
|
Wow Eric and i went bowling for two hours and played about ten game or so. As a result of bowling so many games, on about the eighth game my thumb had grown about a fourth of a centimeter, but because my ball is fit for my hand perfectly it only took that much for my thumb to get stuck in it. so instead of going when i let go it flow off when my hand was closer to my head, flow into the lane on my left and into that gutter. By the way that lane wasnt even on. When i got the guy at the counter to turn it on for a second he told me i should get a ball that better fits my hand. When i told him it was a custom fit ball i got done two days earlier he just stood there with a blank stare on his face. I thought all of that was quite funny. On Sunday, Alex was mad at me all day, i didnt really know why until today. turns out she had a dream which she couldnt tell if it was real or not, which sometimes happens. The only way she knew it wasnt really was when she saw Sarah on monday. Turns out Sarah was pregnant in Alex's dream. I honestly think i should get some compensation for that............. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 30th, 2005|05:23 am] |
|
i repeat impossible to sleep here...............need sleep.......... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 30th, 2005|03:55 am] |
|
sleep is impossible to get in this house, i havent fallen asleep before 5 for the past three days........... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2005|05:25 pm] |
|
Wow its been a really long time sense my last update. Well i finally got out of Ap chem and into body D which is pretty cool. Yesterday i went to see Harry Potter with alex, it was a good movie. Although they did leave alot of stuff out, i only got to read a couple of the chapters but still. I just had to cram a ton of kids into my car and drive them around. I scared the crap out of them by leaving when they all an out to get a few things, it was funny as all. I dont really know if theres anything that im leaving out, but im sure if i am i will be told by everyone. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 7th, 2005|04:21 pm] |
|
Im about to leave to go out west, just wanted to get a quick update in. It will be very boring on the drive there and back, 4 days of straight boredom, man i am going to miss alex soo much.... Well this is all i have time for, bye all, i love you alex, see you when i get back. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 3rd, 2005|05:44 pm] |
|
So homecoming was last weekend, it was fun. First i went and picked up alex, brought her back to my house so our parents could take pictures. After the pictures they just sat and talked of about a half hour while me and alex were just standing there. Then we went over to EQ's house for more pictures and that took up alot of time, but it was alright. We went to eat at Ruggero's and that was fun, good tip to lol. Then of course we went to the dance, they didnt play many slow songs, but i cant dance worth crap so it dosent matter. After the dance we went back to EQ's house and watched Hitch, i think alex might have been a little tired cause she kind of fell asleep. It was a good time. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 9th, 2005|03:05 pm] |
|
Yesterday at the football game was fun, hanging out with alex and all. Although my wouldnt let me drive there, because it was to far away, so i rode with the culpeppers. Hmmm....... im told i have an evil laugh, do i? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 6th, 2005|04:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
Well over the weekend we went camping, sort of. We went up there on friday, i went up after the movie night at dons which was fun. I had to come back home on saturday to pick up a few things, my parents were going to do it but i wanted to so i could see if alex wanted to go up there for a while, luckily she said yes. I went and picked her up...... after taking a few wrong turns because i came in the wrong entrance. We went up to the campground and were mobbed by two little kids, normally its about five so we got off easy this weekend. Then after a while we got away and went to the beach for a while, then i had to take her home. Sunday I also brought alex up there for a while, and again we were mobbed by little kids. We went over to the arch, which is just a big wooden boat with a slide and stuff and played tag with the little kids for a while. Then an hour or so later we finally got away from the little kids and went down to the beach, then when one of them showed up at the beach we just walked away before she saw us. We walked around for a while and houngout, it was a lot of fun. After that around when it was time to take her home i gave her a stuffed bear i had gotten earlier that day. Monday was kind of boring. Then today was the first day of school, and school is never fun. and in about a half hour i have to get ready top go to marching practice. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
mastermind532's journal